At 33 weeks pregnant I went into premature labour. Completely clueless about pregnancy and babies – and having previously having had a miscarriage – I remember asking the doctor if my baby would survive. About 15 hours later and following shitloads of pain and screaming Bean arrived and was taken straight off to special care.
I wasnt able to see her for another four hours and when I did she was in an incubator with what felt like a billion wires and tubes attached to her. I can’t explain how fuck awful the next three weeks were. I was sent home, without her after three days, and spent the time going back and forth to the hospital at all times of night and day to see and feed her.
Fathers day happened in the middle of this and in addition to the card and mug the staff gave to each dad – paid for by themselves – Bean gifted her dad the Stereophonics album You gotta go there to come back (yeah, I know, jeez). This was on in the car every journey to and from the hospital. This track stood out. The girl in the song, a free spirit and a bit of a rebel, was what I hoped Bean would get to be if she wanted to and if she ever got out of the hospital and start her life properly.
After three weeks she was allowed home. Little did I know she’d refuse to sleep for at least 18 months and I’d try and get through the days on around three hours sleep. She’s eleven now, completely crackers, bright, funny, confident, sarcastic and absolutely rocks my world.
I call this Bean’s song. Happy Christmas Sorren Cerys O’Neil xx